A rock and an unsure place

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So I find myself in an interesting situation. On the one hand, I've been trying to go on dates again and try to make the best of a bad situation following my break-up with the Ex. On the other hand, there are some individuals (namely the Ex) who don't agree with that method. While I would tell any other queen who criticized me to fuck off, I can't because the Ex is actually someone whose opinion I respect. Plus, he's probably right.

My problem now is trying to communicate to the Ex that I am still waiting for him to make his move. What he can't understand is just how unsatisfying these dates with other men have been. After a spectacular relationship (up until its rough ending), I'm looking for a connection as profound as the one we had. If I'm lucky, I'll eventually find half such a "spark."

Despite how hard these other guys try and all the encouragement from my friends (especially A, who is all-in-favor of it), whenever I'm on dates with other people, I grow increasingly aware of how unlike the Ex they really are. And as such, they are immediately inferior.


So here's the rub - everyone is telling me that I should go out and date again to try to get over him (which I apparently am not), while I know myself that I should wait for him in the off-chance that we can patch this up.

It's a fight between the rational and the romantic. Despite how much I fucked up and how much I'm sure it's killing him... I am still holding out for the small, small chance that he'll forgive and come back to me.

*sigh*




Update: I canceled my date with Emerson-boy. And I'm going to let B go now. I just... can't give them all the attention that a normal date would deserve.