Saturday, January 31, 2009

Over-compensating

I'm having difficulty understanding a few things about love. This crazy emotion obviously makes otherwise normal people act like idiots. This isn't a bad thing; it's an awesome state to be in. Love it (pun intended).

There has been a resurgence, I think, of accepted PDA. I'm not just talking about making out in the street or holding hands. That's still relatively tame.

I'm talking about the plague of facebook, AIM, MSN, Skype, Twitter, and other internet-based examples of public affection. It's not enough that straight and gay people alike are in love and happy; they have to show the rest of us how happy they are.

My straight friend, Pookie (a name his girlfriend gave him - not me), is dating a girl named "Schnookie." I'm pretty sure her name is actually Emily or Elizabeth, but "Schnookie" is all I've ever known her as. For all I know, it's on her birth certificate. The future Mr. and Mrs. Pookie.


I compare it to a similar rise in design-cakes. I don't know how this fad came about, but apparently having a regular cake wasn't good enough. Also, this is a much bigger market (so I'm told) than I thought. Chefs actually attend culinary school for the sole purpose of becoming cake designers, knowing that idiots-in-love will drop any amount on a cake in the shape of the Chrysler building.

It's no long enough to be simply over the top with your confections, nor your affections. They have to be completely out there and outlandish, where everyone can see them. We (everybody else) are to remark at how happy you are and agree with you.


Attention couples! Important news, and I have this on good authority from the single-world: We don't fucking care.

Your happiness is awesome, but please... some of you couples are giving the rest of us diabetes with your relationship. My throat is closing up. I'm having an asthma attack.

Keep it to yourself, kthxbai.

No comments: